I had a disquieted spirit. God and I had been not quite right. Rather God had been fine – His sureness had never been in question. But I was filled with doubts. Things were not fine in my world and I was wondering what He was up to. Was I missing something? Had some message from Him not gotten through to my head and heart? I wondered if I would know God’s presence. I did not doubt that He was with me. But I was looking for something tangible. Some “able to hold in my hand” evidence of Him with me.
I looked for Him all over the place. In cathedrals and monasteries. In castle keeps and crowds. In quiet moments and hillsides. It wasn’t that I thought He was missing, rather I was straining to see where I would find him. How would this God of the heavens and earth show Himself personally to me? I prayed that I would know it when the time came.
I should have known my Father would be specific. I should have known that the One who counts the hairs on my head would be intimately personal. I should have known that He would speak to the deep places of who I am.
I was wandering through a gift shop looking for something that would be truly unique and nothing seemed to even spark my interest. Until I turned the corner, there I found what I had hoped for. The ring that caught my eye had a stone in one of my favourite colours. The piece of silver was truly unique airy and curved. Something I had never nor have ever again seen before. By now my heart was beating fast. I happened to glance up at the name of the jeweller and we shared the same first name. I looked again. She used a lowercase first letter of her name and I have frequently signed off notes to friends with a lowercase first letter too. Goosebumps ran up and down my arms. The God whom I had silently accused of being far off had showed Himself present and faithful yet again.
Keep me as the apple of your eye; Psalm 17:8a (NIV)
Keep your eye on me; Psalm 17:8a (MSG)
To be the apple of someone’s eye is to be incredibly precious to that person. The eye is so guarded. Eyelashes, eyebrows, the bones underneath, the eyelid, even tears, all serve the purpose of protecting the eye and that precious sense of sight. The eyelid blinks frequently offering another layer of protection. My ring is of great value to me. Yet, its value has far more to do with the God moments attached to it than the ring itself. If my God, the Creator and Namer of the starry host cares so much to reveal His presence to me in a ring, then I am deeply valued and loved by Him.
The delicacy of my relationship with God cannot be overemphasized. At times, there is a vibrancy in our interactions that defies my understanding. Other times, I am not sure if I have moved to a new address or if God has. Sometimes I perceive Him to be silent. Other times, He is so busy speaking to me that I can hardly keep track of it all. Regardless of the circumstances, I am convinced that God sees value in me. He sees the emotions, the desires, the hopes and longings and He continues to weave my life together in a way that reveals His presence and His commitment to our growing relationship.
Keep me as the apple of your eye; hide me in the shadow of your wings Psalm 17:8 (NIV)
Keep your eye on me; hide me under your cool wing feathers Psalm 17:8 (MSG)